We get married in a life stage. The average age of marriage is 29. We wish to have a family and live a life together with someone. Once upon a time that was enough.
We had smaller lives, didn’t go very far, lived out the rest of our days (shorter days, shorter lifespan) typically in the same place, near our families.
Modern marriage is the idea of a soulmate. For the rest of our lives, we want one person to be everything to us. When you are in your 20s and fall in love with the person standing next to you, and they want the same things as you do—a wedding with all of the your friends and family, a cake, a baby, a house, vacations, financial stability.
you truly believe that one person will be enough the rest of your life, when you haven’t had the experience to know you’ll change, your partner will change and life will throw you many things you can’t predict. You say “for better or for worse,” you make a lifelong commitment without knowing yourself.
Years later you’re different. Your spouse is different. You really thought you’d communicate all of the problems away!
You thought you’d keep the sex interesting, you thought you’d do all of those things you’d planned, that it would be hard but you’d be “together as a team.
” Now you’re realizing you’ve lost the spark, you can’t understand how you’ve gotten here, you wish for a different life. You’re disconnected and tired and arguing over work and family and money and household chores.
Then one day something just clicks. You realize you want to be alone or you want to be with someone else or you realize you don’t want what you both wanted before. And you try to talk but it’s just not working anymore.
Counseling doesn’t work, you’re too far gone. Maybe there is abuse, maybe you’ve stopped talking, maybe you have different interests now. So after trying to work it out in your head or talking to your partner, you check out.
Maybe it’s intentional, perhaps it isn’t. The days and weeks pass to years. Disconnected. Maybe no one even knows. That’s just how marriage is right?
You might think that the relationships you had at the beginning of your dating and marriage were fake and lies; In this article https://tickichi.com/relationship/what-are-some-symptoms-of-being-in-love-that-cant-be-faked/, we will show you which signs are true in love.
Relationships aren’t meant to last “forever.” One person is not meant to be our “everything.”
We live several lives, we deserve to be loved in those lives, not for who we were but for who we are now.
Sometimes the partner we married isn’t the one we should be with. Maybe we were never meant to be. Some stay anyway. They accept their lot. Some are happy truly (rarely). Many are fine with the comfort of banality.
If we took the time to appreciate our relationships for what they are while they last without the expectation that we will stay no matter what we feel in our hearts, maybe we could learn to let each other go when it is time, rather than cling and hold on and scream and call someone we once (may have) loved every name in the book.
Love ends. Love lets go. Love can happen again with someone else.
A contract might specify “til death do us part..” but the human heart will not be owned and has the capacity to change and move on.